Mindfulness &

how to be aware in an unaware world

Tag: anxiety

  • Worry

    Worry

    “I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.”
    – Wayne Gretzky

    I found this quote in an investing and trading ebook. It was used in reference to a long-term approach in the stock market. The author’s guidance was to invest where the market will be, not where it has been.

    It is also an equally great metaphor for life. The past is behind us, unable to be modified or relived, but the future is where possibility and opportunity lie.

    (So I just realized this quote is much more about regret than worry, but I got carried away and reflected on worry instead, so I’ll post about regret next).

    Reflection

    Granted, the past provides much that can help us in the present (if we are aware of those past mistakes and learning opportunities).

    Then there is the greatly significant difference between planning for the future and worrying about the future.

    Worry may disguise itself as planning, but it couldn’t be any different.

    Planning brings you back to the present after completion. Worrying leaves you in the future, contemplating endless possibilities.

    Worry is an unfortunate side effect of the pursuit. Will it end up okay? Will I be successful? Will I be able to survive? Will they like me? And on and on.

    It is actually a quite natural and albeit sometimes helpful emotion (when worried about a loved one, showing a deep connection and concern).

    But I would argue that the majority of worry (like 90%) is really unhelpful and even destructive.

    This is where mindfulness steps in and teaches us to step back from all kinds of thinking (worry or otherwise) and simply observe the present mind.

    It takes a lot of practice (day after day for months) to truly realize the power of mindfulness throughout the day.

    Meditation is not a practice with a completion, it is a transformation for a lifetime.

    How does mindfulness help with worry in our ever-changing lives? I’m so glad you asked!

    Worry enters the mind, say the worry about whether you will get a job or not in preparation for an interview, and you begin to spend a considerable amount of time thinking about that job.

    Now, some of that worry is constructive (like the 10% when noticing the worry itself meaning you care a lot about the job and should take it seriously).

    And the rest of that worry can be let go of: “Oh yeah, I’m worrying right now about this job way too much and I choose to let that worry go and move on to what I’m doing right now.”

    Like I said, this sounds so easy on paper, but without devoted practice to noticing thought (worry) and letting it go, we cannot achieve this effect so easily, we will succumb to the thinking (worrying) and add a lot of unnecessary stress to our lives.

    Encouragement

    I encourage us to find the worries throughout the day today and simply begin to note them (in a tiny, cute notepad or on our bubbly, colorful notes app).

    Literally. Jot down someplace all that worries you right now in your life, and again when you begin to worry in the future.

    And when planning our complicated lives, look to the past for guidance, look to the present when we’ve got caught chasing the past or future, and look at the future for possibility and hope!

    Thanks

    Thank you again for worrying about me (lol just kidding, there is no need to worry about me!) But, thank you for your attention reading this post, it is a rare gift these days.

    As always, feel free to leave a comment or share this post, let me know if you enjoy the posts. You can also Buy Me a Coffee if you are inclined to do so. Thank you in advance!

    Links

    1. How Your Past Can Help Guide Your Future
    2. Tools for Managing Stress & Anxiety
    3. Wendy Suzuki: How to calm your anxiety, from a neuroscientist
    4. Constructive Worry Worksheet
  • Phones

    Phones

    I’m going to give us a challenge you might have disregarded before. Leave your phone at home, turn it off for a few hours, or even the entire day.

    First, if your answer to reading this is: “There’s no way to do that, I have work, kids, priorities, responsibilities, and, and…”, then it’s probably a good time to think about how much freedom you have in your everyday life.

    Second, if your answer is: “I can’t be away from my phone too long, what if there’s an emergency, what if someone needs to reach me, what if, what if…”, then I can assure you, people will dial 911 in a real emergency, not you. You’re not a 911 operator. And even if you are, you’re off work, enjoy the nearest park!

    During your time away from your phone and all its apps, notice the way you feel when you don’t have access to your phone.

    Do you feel naked or vulnerable? Do you feel out of control for some reason? Do you constantly think about doing something on your phone?

    Note your experience without any judgment.

    The idea here is to fill only some of the time away from your phone with other activities like exercise, conversation, doodling, skydiving, or even reading.

    Although it might be a great time to do those things, use some of the time to experience and note what the mind gravitates towards.

    I’ll admit it, I love my phone! The numerous apps on my phone help me with nearly everything: navigation, meditation, shopping, research, entertaining, gaming, exercise, and calling people from around the world; all via a quick tap on a bubbly, colorful, addicting icon.

    Our many black mirrors are dual-edged swords that can either be used as a tool or as a distraction.

    Apps have been ingrained in our lives, transforming the way we interact and relate to one another.

    Even our language has changed in accordance with the popular apps available today: “Can you call an Ube?” or “Let’s find an Airbnb!”

    The way we approach these apps changes how we interact with them, and how we interact with them changes our entire experience in life.

    **This has nothing to do with anything, but I’m currently reading Kurt Vonnegut’s A Man Without A Country, which he wrote at 84 years old if I’m not mistaken (this is surprising because he was a chain smoker and should have died at like age 64). I highly recommend you read Kurt Vonnegut, it will change your life.**

    Okay, back to the topic, and the utterly important question in life: “Why?”

    Why do we look, listen, and create what we do through our apps?

    Why do we pick up our phones as soon as we wake up, instead of having a phone-less morning? (I highly recommend a phone-less morning, you’ll thank me after about a week.)

    Why do we also stay up way later than we intended to, staring at a bright rectangle screen, insisting we will go to sleep in just five more minutes? (I’m convinced YouTube is the black hole at the center of the digital universe.)

    Remember, mindfulness is the deliberate act of noticing the present moment in an open and kind way, without judgment or criticism. And some carefully developed apps can evoke us to be more mindful.

    Some apps are infamous for taking us away from the present, like Facebook’s contentious newsfeed or TikTok’s infinite scrolling.

    While many other apps are tools for bettering ourselves, like Headspace, All Trials, Better Help, Sleep Cycle, Maps, and FaceTime (which I use almost every day).

    Being part of a generation where apps have made as much of an impact as books did on the previous generation, I feel a strange calling to the little, bubbly icons.

    I actually feel my life has changed in a positive way and spurred the creation of this blog through an app called Headspace (back when it was just starting out).

    It is because our phones have so much power to change every aspect of our lives, that time spent away from that power could be some of the best time spent!

    Five More Things:

    1. A great list of apps on how to beat stress with meditation.
    2. An in-depth review of the app that transformed how I view the world, Headspace.
    3. Here is a list of great meditation apps from Mindful Organization.
    4. Seven simple ways you can practice mindfulness with your technology platforms by HuffPost.
    5. Five easy ways to do a Digital Detox by Psychology Today.

    Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this post or more reading, you can consider Buying Me A Coffee.

  • Wisdom

    Wisdom

    “The wise expect nothing, hope for nothing, thus avoiding all disappointment and anxiety.”
    – Alexandra David-Néel

    However, hope can be the greatest of things, says Andy Dufresne.

    (Just because I share these quotes doesn’t mean I always agree with them. My reasoning behind sharing them is to help me write engaging blog posts as well as push me to think through them.)

    I also may agree with them during one point in my life and then disagree with them during another, that’s called the human condition. However, the point is to understand the mind of the author, not to find disagreement with them.

    Disagreement should be a productive jumping-off point, a seeking to understand the core of the argument and see the other person’s side of view with more clarity.

    Disappointment sucks, yes, but it’s also a catalyst to change. It’s in learning why we are disappointed with a certain outcome or person that we learn to have meaningful conversations and let go of the ego.

    Expectations lead to unnecessary “what if” storylines in the mind.

    Which can grow and grow, creating anxiety and angst in even the calmest of minds. Let’s take a simple high-school crush as an example: What if they don’t like me? What if I can’t talk to them? What if I don’t know what to say? What if they like someone else?

    These “what ifs” can go on in perpetuity or until we see them from enough of a distance and watch them pass away.

    The mind is a truly tricky place to navigate. Without the awareness to see thoughts, we will inevitably be consumed by them.

    And without the practice of awareness (meditation, noting, visualizing), we will not be aware long enough to let thoughts pass.

    Personally, I would change this quote to read: “The wise expect little, hope when all seems lost, and thus see disappointment and anxiety as passing clouds far above them.”

    I encourage you to seek what troubles your mind today: write it down, speak it out loud, and tell someone who will actively listen (not necessarily in that order).

    It’s in understanding our disappointments, anxieties, frustrations, and emotions that we better our relationship with our minds.

    Three Links

    1. Why You Need Wisdom (read)
    2. How to Disagree Better (audio) 
    3. What is Wisdom? (video)

    Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this post or more reading, you can consider Buying Me A Coffee.