Mindfulness &

how to be aware in an unaware world

Tag: love

  • Failure

    Failure

    “Every artist was first an amateur.”
    – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    What comes to mind when you hear this quote? What constitutes a failure to you?

    When I think of failure, I don’t think of how unfortunate and frustrating it is, but rather how helpful it can be.

    Failure is defined as the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends or the condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short.

    Failure is a choice that is reinforced as unacceptable by a high-achieving society.

    But failure is a beautifully ironic thing. Without it, we would have no success, and yet it’s the last thing we want when pursuing success.

    We must accept that we suck at something to ever not suck at something.

    And even when we get as far as mastering something, we must be humble enough to act as if we’re still an amateur.

    Children are a great example of this. They are amateurs at everything they try. They have seemingly unaffected beginner’s luck. A fresh, new, untainted, unafraid approach that is so beautiful to watch.

    They may fail, cry, stamper, and pout, but at least they tried, without much hesitation, and eventually get up, dust themselves off, and try again.

    We call it luck when they finally get it right, but it’s not luck, it’s a failure.

    It’s like poker. Some play it for the first time and win hand after hand after hand, and the whole table chalks it up to beginner’s luck, but that’s no luck at all.

    That’s both having no idea that their cards are the best at the table and playing without much care as to their card’s odds of winning the hand because they didn’t know that those cards made a good hand in the first place.

    It’s a childlike carelessness.

    Furthermore, never trying things that frighten us is one unhealthy habit to develop.

    The fear of failure (or Atychiphobia) is a universal feeling, one that every single person on Earth has and will experience multiple times in their life.

    Reflection

    “There’s no way I can do that!”

    “Are you kidding me?”

    “I don’t want to!”

    “I’ll never be that good!”

    “What’s the use?”

    I hear these phrases far too much, people giving up before the fight even begins.

    We are selling ourselves short every single time we mutter those words, both inside and outside our heads.

    We are selling ourselves short every time we refuse to try something new or retry something old and forgotten.

    Forget what you cannot do and there is so much left over that you can.

    Over time, that fear of failure will dwindle to but a speck in the mind, and eventually we will come to even seek out failure.

    Failure is also different than letting go.

    Failure implies that we are unsuccessful at accomplishing something less important to us.

    Letting go implies that we are opening space for something more important to us.

    It’s a matter of importance.

    When something is important enough to you, nine times out of ten you will try over and over and over again to learn it with accuracy.

    Encouragement

    I encourage you (as I encourage myself each day) to try something new with the expectation that you will fail and to know that failure itself is an essential part of the learning process.

    Then, I encourage us to keep that vision we try, over and over and over again.

    It can be something as minuscule as a drawing, writing a poem, or cooking a new dish. Or it can be something massive like a trip outside the country, learning a new language, or getting a pilot’s license.

    Links

    1. What the hell is Atychiphobia
    2. How to fail faster
    3. Make your bed, it will change your life

    Thank you deeply for your time and attention in reading this post, it is a rare gift these days.

    Feel free to comment, like, and share it. You can also support me by Buying Me A Coffee. Thank you in advance!

  • Kindness

    Kindness

    “Compassion has no limit and kindness has no enemy.”

    What comes to mind when you think of a compassionate act?

    What about a kind affirmation or encouragement?

    When bestowed upon you, how do compassion and kindness feel?

    Compassion and kindness are so similar that they often occupy the same space in the mind. A space that is essential to a healthy, happy life and needed every single day.

    Though they may seem synonymous and are necessary all the same, there is a difference between the two.

    Compassion is more about not wanting someone to suffer, not wanting someone to experience something negative and downtrodden.

    Kindness is more about wishing that someone was well, hoping that someone does experience something positive and uplifting.

    Equally, compassion and kindness must begin in ourselves, for ourselves.

    Self-compassion is not wanting ourselves to feel unhappy, struggle, or have difficulty in our body, mind, and situations aka tender loving care (so we do the things that make this a reality).

    Self-kindness is wishing ourselves well, telling ourselves that we are able, we are content, we are happy, and we are good aka affirmations (so we say the things that make this a reality).

    Both are self-fulfilling prophecies (it sounds cliche, but it is resoundingly true).

    If we wish to be more kind to others, we must speak kindly to ourselves.

    If we wish to be more compassionate to others, we must show compassion to ourselves.

    What we feed the mind is also key (equally cliche, but needed now more than ever).

    When we feed the mind with sustaining and nourishing things, we speak with kindness, move with gentleness, encourage others, and overall feel amazed with ourselves.

    On the other hand, when we feed the mind degrading and rotten things, we will speak with malice and spite, move with angst and anger, discourage others, and overall feel like shit about ourselves.

    Despite what the world tells us on the internet and in the media, kindness is an innate quality that every human possesses.

    We may lose sight of kindness or forget that we are born with it, but kindness is shown in every corner of the earth and every vessel of our hearts. The more we are aware of that fact, the more we can start to show kindness (beginning with ourselves).

    The trouble is remembering that these qualities already exist in the mind and that we already have the desire to exhibit them.

    For example, how do you feel when someone is truly kind to you?

    Do you feel there is an inclination to do or say something kind back?

    Affirmations at the start of our day, as a wake-up exercise, bring out this inclination more and more.

    There are many incredible affirmations out there, but there are five affirmations that I have used for the past year or so, and I can truly say they have transformed my life:

    You are capable (of anything you put your mind towards).

    You are calm (using your breath as your anchor when stress arises).

    You are clear (knowing where you are and where you’re going).

    You are content (already having all you need to succeed).

    You are compassionate (finding ways to speak your love languages).

    Be sure to use the third person as if you’re talking to a dear friend (trust me, it works wonders).

    And whether you believe these to be true or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that you simply say them, over and over every day.

    Kindness towards yourself needs no reasoning.

    Compassion towards others needs no justification.

    A few more things:

    1. Kindness is the best policy
    2. The Science of Kindness
    3. Random Acts of Kindness
    4. The 5 Love Languages

    Thank you deeply for your time and attention in reading this post, it is a rare gift these days. Feel free to comment, like, or share it. You can also support me by Buying Me A Coffee. Thank you in advance!

  • Fruit

    Fruit

    “But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. And the greatest of these is love, for all things abide in love, and all things must have love; for without love, no relationship would exist.”
    – Galatians 5:22

    Whether or not you believe in God or ascertain to Christianity, the Bible is a grand book filled to the brim with wisdom and life lessons applicable to every one of us.

    For example, this verse in Galatians lays out the foundation for an intentional, purposeful life.

    It’s quite logical that without love, no purposeful life would exist and no relationship would exist either (unless transactional, which I’d argue is no relationship worth holding).

    Defining each fruit of the spirit for ourselves provides a better grip on their meaning with the intention of including them in our lives.

    I firmly believe that all of these fruits are able to grow in us if their seeds are planted at birth. They may already be abundant and ripe in your own life today.

    Below are definitions of each fruit, my personal definition, a question, and examples of how to include them in our lives.

    Love

    • An emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.
    • A virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection.
    • The unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
    • Compassionate and affectionate actions towards others and towards one’s self.

    Love is driving three hours to visit a sibling in the hospital without the slightest hesitation. It is the most innate expression we humans possess, a gift that has profound impact.
    What does love look like to you?
    Show a friendly smile, lend a helping hand, or give your time and attention to someone in need.
    This is love.

    Joy

    • A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
    • The natural reaction to the work of God, Higher Power, or Creator, whether promised or fulfilled.
    • Joy expresses God’s kingdom and influence on earth.

    Joy is a grin from ear to ear for no apparent reason whatsoever.
    What people, places, or things make you joyful and jubilant?
    Write down three things you’re grateful for each day, and tell them to a person you admire in your life.
    This is Joy.

    Peace

    • Freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.
    • An occurrence of harmony characterized by lack of violence, conflict behaviors, and the freedom from fear of violence.
    • The absence of hostility and retribution.

    Peace is fear and worry washed away like the receding tide.
    What can provide a peace that surpasses all comprehension?
    To calm the body and mind, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth several times.
    This is Peace.

    Patience

    • The ability to wait, or to continue doing something despite difficulties.
    • To suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed.

    Patience is the contentment in waiting on a loved one for hours and then exclaiming with a smile, are you ready?
    How can you show patience today?
    Next time you’re waiting for someone or something, notice your immediate environment with curiosity, what do you see, hear, smell, and taste?
    This is Patience.

    Kindness

    • The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate
    • A behavior marked by ethical characteristics.
    • A pleasant disposition and concern for others.

    Kindness is the simple act of sharing a smile while passing by a stranger. It should not be understated, especially in these tumultuous times.
    What is a random act of kindness feel like to you?

    Give someone a genuine compliment, open the door for someone, or bake a loaf of banana bread for your neighbor.
    This is Kindness

    Goodness

    • The quality of being good, in particular: virtue; moral excellence, qualities of character or conduct that entitle the possessor to approval and esteem.
    • Goodness is the simple word for the general quality recognized in character or conduct.

    Goodness is listening deeply to your conscience.
    What makes something right or wrong to you?
    When you next consider the implications of a choice, consult a true friend or therapist before deciding.
    This is Goodness.

    Faithfulness

    • True, devoted, staunch, constant, and loyal behavior.
    • Implies qualities of stability, dependability, and devotion.
    • A long-continued and steadfast fidelity to whatever one is bound to by a pledge, duty, or obligation.

    Faithfulness is the overwhelming feeling of gratitude expressed when you are loyal to a friend for years.
    Who is that person in your life?
    Commit to being there for a friend the next time they request your assistance.
    This is Faithfulness.

    Gentleness

    • To be mild in temperament or behavior; kind or tender.
    • To be noble or having the qualities attributed to noble birth; courteous; chivalrous.

    Gentleness is the care of a mother for her child as it sleeps soundly in her arms.
    How can you show a gentle gesture today?
    Provide some words of encouragement, give someone a hug, or listen intently in your next conversation.
    This is Gentleness.

    Self-control

    • The ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, or the expression of them in one’s behavior.

    Self-control is the release of anger despite the inclination to lash out at your coworker for not doing their job.
    How can you show self-control in the next difficult situation?
    Write down how you feel when you feel (no really, it makes a massive difference).
    This is Self-control.

    Links for daaays:

    Thank you deeply for your time and attention reading this post, it is a rare gift these days. Feel free to comment, like, or share it. You can also support me by Buying Me A Coffee. Thank you in advance!