Mindfulness &

how to be aware in an unaware world

Tag: reflection

  • Rejection

    Rejection

    “Most dazzling human achievements are, in fact, the aggregate of countless individual elements, each of which is, in a sense, ordinary.”
    – Angela Duckworth

    (Another way of stating this is that individually we are ordinary, but together we are extra ordinary).

    Layers and layers of simple inventions, like the parts of a computer (or the layers of a cake), make this possible, making the ordinary extraordinary (or delicious).

    And broken down, piece by piece, anything can be understood and learned, from rocket engines to apple pies (also delicious).

    It’s not just about the matter either, people become more understood and surprisingly relatable when unwrapping their layers.

    Reflection

    Take agoraphobia for instance, a condition consistent with many layers, trauma, self-doubt, isolation, etc. that when confronted and encouraged, can heal someone and change their life.

    What’s agoraphobic you ask? It’s a person with an extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving their own home, or of being in places from which escape is difficult (like Van Gough).

    Last I checked, there are a lot of anxious and socially awkward people out there, which can be for a lot of reasons, but one that speaks numbers is the fear of rejection or humiliation.

    Because we are biologically hardwired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen critically. So much so that we avoid any situation that could cause rejection at all.

    But there within lies a greatly missed opportunity: Rejection. Beautiful, terrifying, life-changing, character-building rejection!

    Rejection teaches us a powerful lesson: we are not supposed to be liked by everyone. That’s impossible (and so we can save a lot of energy just letting that shit go too).

    As we become less afraid of what we’re experiencing inside — that is, less afraid of ourselves — we become less intimidated by rejection and more empowered to love and be loved.

    So once again, this has nothing to do with the ingenuity and grit of teams, but more so of the individual.

    It reminds me of Steve Rogers in the first Captain America, who was so frail and thin that he could barely run a mile straight, but he had one thing no other soldier did: a heart and a mind.

    He was the one who jumped on top of a dummy grenade, screaming for his comrades to get back while they scurried away anyway (heart because it was the right thing to do, not the easy thing) (like Dumbledore).

    And learned to get the flag off the top of a tall ass pole by simply removing the pin at the bottom while his comrades scrambled on top of each other to grab it (mind because of awareness, not some oversized intelligence) (that’s Tony Stark).

    Yes, thank you, I am a nerd.

    Encouragement

    What scares you the most out there? I encourage us to embrace that, even if very slowly. Try and do one thing today that scares you, whether it be meeting a new person or trying a new food.

    Also, what would you like to learn today? Because you can learn absolutely anything you want.

    Given this realization, try solving some of these riddles by breaking them down (the answers are in the first link).

    1. Mr. and Mrs. Mustard have six daughters and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the Mustard family?
    2. How do you make the number 7 even without addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division?
    3. Always in you, Sometimes on you; If I surround you, I can kill you. What am I?
    4. How can you take 2 from 5 and leave 4?
    5. Two girls have the same parents and were born at the same hour on the same day of the same month, but they are not twins. How can this be possible?

    Thanks

    I am thankful for the space and platform to write. This blog has breathed new life into me and I’m eternally grateful.

    As always, you can like, share, reply to this post below or support me over at buymeacoffee.com/mindfulnessand

    Links

    1. 100+ Brain Teasers for Kids and Adults (with Answers)
    2. Deconstructing the Fear of Rejection: What Are We Really Afraid Of?
    3. TED-Ed: How to deal with rejection
    4. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson 

    P.S. I will start recommending a new book with every blog post. Today, it’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson (with help from Ashwaganda). Here’s an introduction:

    Life is not about getting rid of problems, it’s about finding better problems. It’s not about avoiding failure, it’s about getting better at failure. It’s not about knowing everything, but becoming more comfortable in not knowing anything.

  • Surprises

    Surprises

    “Man is a deterministic device thrown into a probabilistic universe. In this match, surprises are expected.”
    – Michael Lewis

    The only thing we can truly predict in this world is that the world will be unpredictable. This can scare some people, as we naturally don’t like surprises, but acceptance is the cure.

    Another way to describe this is with impermanence. The idea that everything changes, balancing, moving, and the only thing determined is our awareness of that change.

    When we step back and simply observe the world around us, we see impermanence in everything, from the clouds moving through the sky to the rain falling, not chasing, not transfixed.

    Reflection

    My understanding of surprises is that it is truly unknown, unseen, and unrecognizable, thus taking us off guard.

    Like a rainstorm that comes in the middle of the day, without any notice or warning (happens quite often in the mountains really).

    Surprises can be downright frustrating too as we get older we want little to no surprises, and then get flustered and confused when they arise.

    Surprises can be scary, say when we lose a loved one or find ourselves a near-death experience, and have to re-write our narrative in the aftermath.

    Surprises can be wonderful and joyous when we see someone we haven’t in years get a new job or are gifted something we’ve always wanted (likely during the holidays right now).

    But what surprises me about surprises is how surprised we are so often in our world today.

    I can’t think of any other time in human history when humans have been so distracted, so transfixed, and so dull, it’s surprising.

    Awareness of ourselves and the world around us doesn’t diminish the surprises, it gravitates them, to a state of real connection, like when the surprise of a gift is received and is cherished or when the surprise of a death is felt so deeply and remembered.

    Encouragement

    In mindfulness, surprises will still come and go, but there is a pattern of rolling with the punches (and kisses) if you will.

    I encourage us to seek understanding and empathy in our surprises, even when they frustrate, scare, enlighten, or brighten us.

    Try today to pause, even if it’s for 5 minutes, and follow the breath naturally changing in your body.

    Thanks

    I have been planning a drastic change in my life that in time would leave this blog and newsletter at a standstill for a while. I have been planning to thru-hike some of the longest trails in the US, embarking on a journey that anyone can follow on YouTube and Instagram.

    Thank you so much for reading my rambling, thinking mind. You can find all of my posts on the blog and even search for keywords and as always can support me over at buymeacoffee.com/mindfulnessand if you feel so inclined. Thank you in advance!

    Links

    1. Surprise! Why the Unexpected Feels Good, and Why It’s Good For Us
    2. Deterministic vs. Probabilistic Data: Which is Best?
    3. Give yourself permission to be creative
    4. Daughter’s death nearly stopped author Michael Lewis from writing again
  • Persistence

    Persistence

    “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
    – Steve Martin

    I always thought Steve Martin was one of the most talented people in the world, which goes to show how his persistence and drive to be a better comedian, actor, musician, and visionary in the film industry has contributed to the very icon we see today.

    I’ve also always believed in this philosophy: do one thing for a little time (5 minutes each day) for a long time (years and years) and you can accomplish just about anything.

    Reflection

    From building a home to writing a book, the hardest part is getting started. We find ourselves so concerned with finishing a task when all we need to do is just get started.

    I like to compare persistence to a long arduous hike to the top of a mountain, you see the destination, you know how to get there, it just takes one step at a time and the drive to keep going.

    Any difficult task can be broken down into smaller parts, which can be broken down into even smaller parts.

    Elia M Ramollah has a beautiful quote for this: “Solve the big problems inside the small ones. And it is from small issues that a pattern can be shaped in solving the big ones.”

    The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language’s eighth definition of Persistence is my favorite: The continuance of an effect after the cause which first gave rise to it is removed.

    So, even when the motivation to start something difficult and the perseverance to keep at it dissipates, we continue anyway, like Rocky Balboa’s drive to be the greatest heavyweight champion, it was the process of pushing through that was the win, not the result.

    I found myself with this desire to write years ago but didn’t know where to start. Funny enough, the thing I was avoiding at the time (social media) happened to be just the outlet for this desire.

    Now, I write each day, in the smallest and grandest of ways, whether in a gratitude journal or adding to a novel about space travel (see a sneak peak at the bottom).

    All it took was a combination of persistence and forgiveness. If I couldn’t forgive myself when I fell off track then I wouldn’t ever get back to it.

    Encouragement

    For anyone looking to write more, I encourage us to stay persistent and write down our feelings, or a bullet list the day.

    Just carrying around a small notepad and pen to remember things is a great start.

    Writing has a host of benefits over typing or tapping. When we type, we use our fine motor skills in a more limited way than when we write by hand.

    Using a pen and paper is one of those things to help improve memory because it offers a deeper sensory experience than touching a keyboard or piece of glass. 

    Lastly, do what you love, and do it every day. Even if it’s for 5 minutes. Even if it’s just for you.

    Links

    1. How long does it take to form a new habit?
    2. Here’s Why You Remember Things Better When You Write Them Down
    3. Advice from Steve Martin
    4. How to Solve Big Problems
    5. 6 Effective Ways to Become Persistent

    Extra Extra

    So, that novel about space travel I was talking about? Well, it’s still in the works, but it’s called Enrail, and here’s a little sneak peak:

    I’m currently staring into space from the Enrail District Office #615 as I finish up some last-minute work on a Titan Holding shipment long overdue for pickup.

    The Outworld Order has taken control of our shipment center on the small Saturn moon, Dione and now we have to do as the Order says or we jeopardize our operation shutting down. Of the 82 moons, the Order has pretty much seized half, retaining over 80% control of the outer solar system.

    All that talk about the Empire in those Star Wars movies the first colonies used to fantasize about is now overwhelmingly real here in the year 3045. We are one of thousands of hyperspace shipment centers, what the hell would the Order want with our operation? An unrealistic acquisition for the Order, yet our district’s president, Kilean Enrail willingly sold the operations for under 2.3 million Zeitcoin.

    The fact is, this is going to be a long week ahead and I am too tired to handle it. The newest transmitters came in from Mars and we haven’t even had a chance to test them on the hyperspace station in the Xena District office, the busiest station this side of the cluster by far. And with the Order breathing down my neck, taxing every load, I won’t get a break to save my life, if it’s worth saving anyway.

    You see, the Order has a value generation on every citizen in the solar system, it can be very high, very low, or, well, not worth anything at all. My value generation is -564 to be exact, continually decreasing every day because of all the damn debts I owe to the damn Outworld Order. At this point, there’s an implausible price on my head and undeniable control of my possessions.

    At our Enrail District, we have about 300 or so Titan shipments every day, each handled by our robotics fleet. Every order is taken, processed, and delivered in less than an hour. With our operation, we rake in more than 230,000 Zeitcoin a month, which for its size is quite impressive. My role in this lucrative business shouldn’t be understated either, I’ve helped secure over 130 contracts in the past 5 years. The top “sales slave” in our district, but the Order is ready to take me to court over my damn value generation amount.

    The truth is, I have a plan, a strong ass will, and a modified Howletzer Cruiser ready to go within the next week. Let’s just hope I can slip by, pay my debts, and find a planet outside the Order until it’s time to escape.

    And speaking of escape, it’s quite crazy how much all those movies and books blow escape out of proportion, all it takes is the right timing…